Monday, June 8, 2009

Vacations and discriminations

So will be in Bangalore again sooner than I expected - schools in UAE are closing 10 days earlier than planned due to the 'intense heat'. The other half suggested a longer holiday and I jumped like the proverbial seal at the striped ball. A dear friend recently and suddenly lost her father and I feel like I've been given an opportunity to get there and hold her hand for a bit. Going back to India at any time always makes me feel hopeful and alive - it must be all the deliciously polluted air back there :). After that we go to God's own country (truly) and road trip for a few days before heading north to Uttaranchal and 15 days of trekking amid snow capped mountains at Munsiyari and Pithoragarh. I have a bevvy of eager relatives waiting to see the kids - especially the little one. This will be her first trip to get her in touch with her Pahadi side. So glory days ahead!

Meanwhile, yesterday saw a very rare, big bad skirmish between me and Tys on his latest post. I always hate it when anyone gets crude and his post was definitely that. A sort of reverse gender inequality or men bashing has always been a pet peeve of his, but I never realised how deep it went. Yet, I feel the rant became hurtful and personal and didn't serve the purpose it was meant to at all.

But yes, I have a pretty good idea about what prompted yesterdays outburst. See even I have to admit that increasingly women are bashing men for not much reason except that yes, they are men. We crib about everything from their lack of EQ to their cluelessness in the face of our sensitivity and about thousand pages of more such stuff. Well you get the idea. Now the ranter in question, lives and works in a polar society in sandman's land where just the sheer diversity of the expat community means that some form of bias is always present. Add to that the very hostile and entitled attitude displayed by local women in the corporate world especially towards men from other communities - doesn't win any brownie points for the female cause from him in general. I am as emancipated as the rest of them but even I can't help notice a somewhat naive and prejudiced tendency among women to indiscriminately bitch about men.

I've had any number of conversations with friends and acuqaintances that have ended with "men!" or "what else do you expect from men" etc. Granted that the emotional quotient that women set so much store by is a still a much evolving conecpt especially for the 30 something man who is a little conflicted about dealing with women in current society - imagine a traditional upbringing with a stereotype role playing mother vs a workplace and social set up where women are behaving exactly like the men he has known and sometimes more efficiently so! Confusing? Hell yes!

At least we women have the good fortune of having known discrimination and prejudice from the time we were created (periods and labour pains anyone??). So as the ranter so eloquently puts it, lets deal with it.

Just one thing though - do I need to understand why a man who watched his wife go through two childbirths and lives with her on ALL days of the month would choose these very subjects to illustrate ire against the very bad act of male bashing? Hmmm ... And I'm not a quitter for the female cause, but frankly do I want to deal with monthly cycles and all the glory that comes with it, deal with hormones, deal with pain, look after my man (even when he has the slightest fever, cold or body ache), be his perpetual sounding board - ironic or something, always be the one to take the high road, listen to offensive rants and still 'get it', look after my kids, look after my home, do my bit to bring home the bacon, be a woman AND be thought of as a bore?? Hell no!.


Suma said...

hey! lucky you:)
have a wonderful holiday and come back refreshed and sated.

as for tys, i do hope his new readers don't misunderstand him

Mercury said...

On the whole tys issue : Well said!

For my part, I had absolutely no contention with his opinion that there is a gender bias in some respects against men, that there are women who do over-do it, play for sympathy etc. etc.

It is a pet peeve for my boyfriend too. And they have a point in there somewhere :D

Hell, I'm sure there isn't a woman that hasn't used her PMS as an excuse for unnecessarily lashing out or for being crabby.. Just like men like to hide behind their own stereotypes, we do too. And I guess, it becomes apparent from time to time.

The only thing I objected to, was how crudely it was put. In making a point, one should ,in my opinion, try to be moderate about it. Neither swing to the extreme of political correctness nor the extreme of being 'i'll say whatever i want and i don't care who it offends' because otherwise your argument is lost in all the fanfare that will ensure ( Like it has with the comments on his post.. )

I like the way you've discussed it here. It is sensible, measured and absolutely mature in content. And you've made your points firmly and well.

As you said though, he was probably just frustrated. And we all have those moments and we are all entitled to our rants. It's why we have blogs!

Vidya said...

please please meet me this time....

Thats Me! Says V from Jap Talk :-)